Since there's not really much good news right now in the current TV season (other than how fantastic Pushing Daisies turned out) because of the writers strike that looks as if it will ruin the second half of essentially everything on TV. I'll take some time to reflect on the few positives that remain to come:

1. Pushing Daisies still has a couple episodes left to continue charming the pants off me.

2. They will show the first 8 episode of Lost. I know the Lost people kinda didn't want that to happen but frankly I need my Lost fix in any way possible.

3. The Sarah Connor Chronicles still has yet to start showing however many episodes they got through. These posters were just released to start hyping it up a little. Totally kickass.

Does No Penis = No Man?

I had a deep philosophical question raised to me early by a "friend." I say "friend" because I really can't stand the guy. For the sake of an argument, let's call him Bean. I think if I called him Ryan it would be pretty embarassing since that's his real name. So anyway, he wanted to know if just because his penis is attacted to his body by velcro does that make him less of a man. After I spent a good half hour or so vomiting my lower intestines into the nearest trashcan because he tried to show it to me I started to think about it for him. The result I came to: Of course it does. The more important question I had for him was if he purchased the thing himself, why in blue blazes did he get one small enough so that the crippled squirell who lives in my backyard would snicker at it. Then using the logic I learn in my Intro Philosphy class (I failed but so what?) I was able to determine that: If you're not smart enough to buy a large fake penis because you don't have a penis, therefore not having a penis makes you not intelligent. I challenge anyone to argue with such sound flawless logic as that. Any arguments please bring to the attention of our Director of Customer Relations: Brian "Baby Nuts" George.

Returning Television Shows

A quick run through of the shows we have retuning this fall, we wont include Lost and 24 since they're coming back in January, except I guess I kind of just did include them. Shit. Whatever, they're essentially the best shows on TV and everything else is just filler until the next episode of either. And Battlestar, that's quite chalk full of awesome as well. Anyway, here we go in no real order other than when they come into my head.

Heroes
Starting on Sept.24
Volume 2 of what was essentially last years biggest hit will feature more and more greatness from the likes of Mr Petrelli and Hiro. As well we get to delve deeper into "the boogeyman" and everyone's favourite Vulcan Sylar will be up to some new tricks. Joining the cast this year most importantly is uber-hot Kristen Bell who I could watch sit in a chair and scribble notes for hours on end, but luckily they are gonna let me watch her run around with supposedly some pretty sick powers.

Smallville
Starting on Sept.27
Clark and the gang are back for another year of hijinks's as Superman gets one year closer to becoming...Super. I've already talked about the new season on here so I won't get into it too much. So we'll just sum it up, Lana is back, Lois is badass, Supergirl is gonna be great, Bizzaro should be fun, Bruce Wayne better show up or I'll stop watching the show.

Prison Break
Started on Sept.17
Scofield's got himself back in prison and he's got himself another schmuck to bust out, this time with Linc on the outside to give him help. Somehow I don't think he'll make much difference. Should hopefully be fun though seeing as they got rid of most of the dead weight and kept the best characters around, Billick, Mahone, T-Bag and the brothers of course. Also, did we see Kellerman die last year? Is it possible he could've survived? All I know is I never saw a body, and if that Private Practice show doesn't do well, which I'm betting it won't, we could be seeing him make an appearance. I haven't heard anything official on this, just a guess I'm making on my own.

Battlestar Galactica
I doubt anyone of you even watch this show and you're really missing out. I know there's a stigma with it being a reinvention of the campy 70's show and it being sci-fi and all that, but it really is one of the best written, well acted shows on TV with fantastic visuals and compelling and relevant story lines. It takes a good look at what we might become if we're suddenly the underdog and pushed to the brink of extinction, plus the irony that it's because of our own creations. Through in the fact that the humans in the show are based around a polytheistic religion while the "evil" Cylons are on a quest to find the "one God" and do what they believe he has meant for them. It's also pretty good on cliffhangers because last seasons finale blew my tiny little mind and I for one can't wait to see how it turns out.

House
Starting..soon i dunno fuck you check the tv guide
Will House get his team back? Will he start a new team? Will he say screw teams altogether? Can he still keep that razor sharp wit? Does it matter? House is the man, you know those cry baby assistants will come back because really who wouldn't want to be there along side the greatest doctor of our time. That and I can't see any of them carrying a show of their own so they really have nowhere to go.

Dexter
The biggest question of all returning shows this year. Can Dexter recapture the magic of the absolutely amazing first season? Lord I hope so. This was a great take on the whole forensics expert show and the great acting from everyone but most especially Michael C Hall. This show needs to have a great second season because not nearly enough people know about it yet.

Supernatural
The Winchester boys are back for more good old fashioned demon hunting. This year will take a more singular plot throughout the season with random hunts mixed in to keep things fresh. There also adding a couple babe-o-licious hunters, I haven't seen them but it's the CW so I just assume even if they have a show about an "ugly" girl she's gonna be hot as balls.

Grey's Anatomy
While I definitely don't think the second season came anywhere near the level of greatness of the first, I am going to give it the benefit of the doubt and one more season to recapture my love. They have no more on set distractions from hate mongers and whatnot, plus they added Chyler Leigh to play Meredith's sister and add a whole lot more potential for drama. I've also been slightly in love with her since she was on That 80's Show, which yes was a real show, just not for long.

That should pretty much wrap it up. I will throw a quick shout out to How I Met Your Mother, Doogie Howser is a comedy God on that show, and 30 Rock. I near pissed when they had a clip on the Emmys where Tina Fey asked Alec Baldwin why he was wearing a tux and he replied, "It's after 6. What am I, a farmer?" I would've included Friday Night Lights but by putting in literally on Friday nights NBC has essentially already cancelled this show and it won't last the season unless there's a change made sharpish.

Everyone Cheats, The Jets Just Aren't Good At It

Well, well, well this story actually came out before last weekend. There are photos surfacing of a man standing on the Jets sidelines videotaping their opponents on several different occaisions. He appears not just when they're playing the Patriots, and in different cities. He also is clearly not wearing the NFL media vests they made such a big deal about for the Patriots camera guy not wearing. Check out this link and then laugh about how no one cares when a shitty team cheats.

Also, after Sunday's games this week Brain Billick, coach of the Batlimore Ravens came out and accused the Jets outright of cheating in their game by illegaly simulating the snap count to have the offensive linemen jump offsides. This can be attributed to a couple things, (1) Billick is as fatheaded as they come and could've just wanted some attention, (2) Mangini broke the code of ratting out a coach for something they all do so now he's gonna get treated like this all the time, (3) Mangini is an ignorant arrogant schmuck with the balls to cheat the week after calling out another coach for cheating and having everyone make a huge deal out of essentially nothing. Afterall, it's not like one of their players killed his ex-girlfreind and her new boyfriend, or paid someone to kill another person. Cause if that kind of thing happened in the NFL we'd really see some outrage. Oh wait, never mind. Anyway here's a link to the Billick story if u need it.

Best Worst Title Ever

This just made me laugh first and then once I read on I realized it really is a horribly awful story, credit goes to the guys from Withleather though for that title. Ill lay it on you first before filling you in on the rest:

Volleyball player Leads Team in Kills

Click the title for the story but basically some college volleyball player got preggers, had the baby and then decided rather than be rational and deal with it like a normal person she would instead pull the crazy card and kill the baby. Some people just make you wonder how we made it this far as a species. But still, that title, comedy gold.

Is that a life-sized Silver Surfer statue you say? Why yes, yes it is I reply. You may be wondering why we might have this and honestly I couldn't give you a good answer beyond Kirk found it at an auciton, and it had to be done. Does it fit anywhere? Not even close, and thats even without the 10ft surboard he's supposed to be standing on. But the important question is: Are all you douchebags totally jealous? Of course the answer is yes. Especially Melanie who has already made several requests to "borrow" him for "a couple nights". Mel likes shiny guys, it explains the whole her and Brian thing. Why is Brian is shiny? Good question. The answer: he shaves his arm and leg hair off. He says it gives him better aerodynamics. For what I'm not sure cause seeing as he's terrified of water he's not much of a swimmer. That guy creeps me out.

She Sells Seashells by the Sea Shore...

Note to everyone, don't take allergy pills, a couple T3 and then drink Full Throttle, cause wow.

I don't know what it is, but something about this picture just screams "Bring it in you little whiny bitches!!" Only now, after the Patriots kindly handed the Chargers their own arses on silver platters does everyone who rallied against the Pats realize what they did. In the run up to the Super Bowl or even playoff games, everyone is always careful to watch what the say to avoid providing a team any "bulliten board" material. To not give the other team a rallying point they could all get behind and get angry about. I guess being this early in the season it wasn't really on everyone's mind as they aren't in mid season form, but by accusing Belichick of cheating and saying the previous Super Bowl victories are all tainted, some went so far as to even say Tom Brady wouldn't be as good a Quarterback as he is without the spying, they gave the most talented team in the league a reason to destroy all comers this season and show exactly what they can do.

Let's do a quick recap of the season thus far:

The Jets were a team that gave the Patriots fits last year, won the first game before dropping the second and the playoff game while still keeping it close. The Chargers beat New England in Foxboro during the season before losing in the playoffs in a close game that they probably should've won. Now we come to this season, the Jets and Chargers are both decimated in almost identical fashion. Offensive yards, points, everything was almost exactly the same. The only other team in the NFL supposedly capable of giving the Patriots a run for their money is the Colts, who people thought were dominant in their win over the Saints, but it turns out the Saints just suck. Then they have trouble putting away the Titans. After the Colts and Pats face each other in week 9 everyone will know for sure that the rest of the season is just a question of how bad they Patriots are going to beat the rest of the league. And I love every bit of it.

P.S. Jets Suck.

Time to Get Serious

Ok people, it's time to lighten up about this whole Patriots spying on the Jets ordeal. It's being blown way out of proportion by a combination of people who don't know what they're talking about and people who need reasons to hate the Pats. To say the Patriots were "cheating" is a little unfair. You would also have to call any player who takes an offsides penalty or pass interference penalty a cheater as well. Reason being they were attempting to gain an advantage in an illegal way. The fact that the were trying to steal signals isn't in question. Stealing signals isn't even illegal. The only thing they did wrong was use a video camera. If a Patriots player had stood on the field and watched all the signals made and then relayed them to the sidelines so they could be recorded, there would be no issue as it's perfectly legal and for the most part accomplishes the exact same thing. They just attempted to skip a step and get those signals a little easier. Wrong? Yes. The same way jumping offsides to try and get a step on the defensive player is wrong. You are punished for it with a 5 yard penalty and the game moves on. There's no talk of going back and reviewing all you previous plays to see how many times you might have jumped early in the past, you aren't labeled a cheater. The advantage the Patriots were trying to obtain was not an illegal one, just their method was. Everyone in the NFL knows this happens and anyone who says they don't is a fucking liar. Team's regularly change signals and throw out false signals because they know any of the 70,000 people in the arena can see what they're doing. Belichick didn't hide a camera in their locker room, he didn't sneak in and photocopy the playbook, so get a life people.

Fall Movie Preview

It's time for my 8th Annual Fall Movie Preview. Where I take a look at what movies are coming out this Fall season and tell you what you should be looking forward to. If you disagree with any of my choices you can promptly eat a dick. Bean will probably let you eat his. It's detachable anyway so....you know...its convenient. First we'll take a look at the top movies, the ones I'll be at the theater to see the first chance I get and so odds are one of you reading this will be dragged along also. And of course by dragged along I mean you'll be begging me to let you be the one that accompanies me. Anyway let's get it going:

3:10 to Yuma
Dir: James Mangold (Walk the Line)
Starring: Christian Bale, Russell Crowe, Ben "Angel Eyes" Foster
-Technically, I've already seen this movie, but I included it because I am definitely going again as soon as possible. It was beyond awesome, Bale and Crowe were there usual manly selves, but as the stories go Ben Foster steals this movie from the both of them. He belongs in the old days when they made this kind of movie all the time. I want to see him face off against Clint and Lee van Cleef. He plays crazy so well and his walk is pure badass cowboy. If you want to still be my friend you will see this movie.

Eastern Promises
Dir: David Cronenberg (History of Violence)
Starring: Viggo "King of Men" Mortensen, Naomi "Glass Cutter" Watts, Vincent "That Guy from the Oceans Movies" Cassell
-Even though some people didn't think too much of A History of Violence (Boat) I loved it. Viggo played the part like a champ and Mr Cronenberg loves him some bloody fights. This time around Viggo isn't even going to bother pretending to be good, he's a Russian mobster with a body covered in prison tats. In an interview with GQ (it's at my desk and I read it yesterday fuck you) Viggo called one of the opening fights in the movie "...at some level, everyone's worst nightmare." It's described in the article as being "viscerally brutal". I am so there.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
Dir: Andrew Dominik (Chopper)
Starring; Brad Pitt, Casey "Little Ben" Affleck, Zooey "HAB" Deschanel
- The second western on the list and first of two featuring the talents of Casey Affleck. This movie pretty much sells itself, Brad Pitt is playing Jesse James. End of story. The title is a little excessive yet also fairly effective at evoking certain feelings in you about what your in store for in the movie. It's going to be a love fest that's for sure. Plus I have a slight crush on Zooey Deschanel.

Into the Wild
Dir: Sean Penn
Starring: Emile Hirsch, Vince Vaughn
-This movie is kind of an aberration for me. I do not like Sean Penn at all, he's a little to self righteous for me. I'm also not a fan of Emile Hirsch, I only watched Girl Next Door for Elisha Cuthbert and I thought Alpha Dog looked stupid and never bothered with it. I did think he showed a little potential in Lords of Dogtown but Heath Ledger and the kid with long hair who made me think of the kid with long hair from Dazed and Confused stole that movie. I may like Vince Vaughn a little but he's not going to have much of a role in the film. The reason I want to see it so badly is I read the book this is based on a few summers ago and couldn't put it down. The whole story is fascinating to me and made me a little envious of his ability to drop his entire life and head out into the wilderness to make a life on his own. I just hope those two knuckleheads don't ruin it for me.

The Kingdom
Dir: Peter Berg (The Rundown)
Starring: Jamie Foxx, Jennifer "Mrs Affleck" Garner, Chris Cooper
- Plain and simple, I loved The Rundown and Friday Night Lights, Peter Bergs two previous films. Jaime Foxx, though arrogant and quite full of himself is still pretty talented and he's solid in action movies. Chris Cooper always delivers. Jennifer Garner is hot. Minka Kelly is ever hotter. Jason Bateman is the man, even though this is a bit of a different role for him. And IMDB lists some kid named Andrew Astor as playing a character in the movie named "Big Wheel" I shit you not.

American Gangster
Dir: Ridley Scott (yea like you don't know who Ridley Scott is..fuck you)
Starring: Russell Crowe, Denzel Washington, Cuba Gooding Jr
-Russell is back with Ridley, Denzel is playing a bad guy, Cuba is...not playing a character in shitty Eddie Murphy sequels. Pure Oscar bait. Still, this movie is a lock to be fantastic because Russ and Rid can't have two shitty outings in row together, and Denzel needs this to get back into the mainstream. Ask yourself when's the last time a Denzel movie came out that you knew you had to be there to see. This is Denzel man, he used to have 2 or 3 movies like that a year but he's been in a bit of a slump lately (Out of Time anyone?) Plus I like Cuba, he's always so giddy.

I'm Not There
Dir: Todd Haynes (Far From Heaven)
Starring: Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Richard Gere, Heath Ledger
- A movie about Bob Dylan's life played by a bunch of different actors representing different periods in his life. How could anyone not want to see this? Well I guess if you don't like Dylan, but that would make you a puss, and none of you are puss' are you? Except you Brian. You're definitely a puss.

Grace is Gone
Dir: James Strouse
Starring: John Cusak
- I'm a big Cusak fan (who isn't?) and this movie has awards written all over it. He plays the husband of a soldier who goes to Iraq and is killed in action. The movie focuses on how he deals with the loss of his wife and how it affects their two little girls who he takes on a road trip after getting the terrible news to try and take stock of what they have left. I'm sure some people of weaker constitution will find a tear or two in this flick. Myself, I can't bring myself to cry without the presence of an undersized racehorse or diminutive safety playing for an Irish-Catholic college.

We Own the Night
Dir: James Gray
Starring: "Marky" Mark Wahlberg, Joaquin Phoenix, Robert Duvall
-I just like the feel of this movie I get from the trailer, it's set back in the day and it feels like its back in the day when watching it. Marky Mark is rising fast and hopefully makes his Mickey Ward movie with Matt Damon fucking sharpish. Joaquin is no River but he does the job pretty well.

Gone Baby Gone
Dir: Ben Affleck <-- FUCK YEA
Starring: Casey Affleck, Morgan Freeman, Ed Harris, Michelle Monaghan, Robert Wahlberg (Yes his brothers are Donnie and Marky Mark)
-The directorial debut of the man, the legend, the 'fleck. The movie has been getting great reviews every time it plays, it's based on a book from the same guy who wrote Mystic River. It's set in Boston and Benny knows his shit when it comes to movies set in Boston. It's about the kidnapping of a little girl and two detectives who are working the case to find her. This is the one I'm looking forward to the most. Why? Because Affleck was the bomb in Phantoms yo!

Mike Vick..an Idiot..but still...

This is taken from an ESPN.com article for the NFC season preview, apparently Gregg Easterbrook got a little sidetracked when he got to the Flacons but I think what he said needs to be read an understood by everyone out there who thinks Mike Vick should be hung by his ankles and shot. They did that to Mussolini you know.

The whole article is here.. but this is the part that deals with the Vick story:


Atlanta Falcons

The disgusting thing about dogfighting isn't that animals battle and die -- after all, animals fight to the death in nature, tearing each other's flesh with heartless violence. The disgusting thing about dogfighting is that supposedly intelligent members of Homo sapiens add sadism to the natural equation by starving dogs to make them extra aggressive, filing their incisors to make the fights bloodier, and engaging in other acts unbecoming any man or woman of ethics. What Michael Vick confessed to Monday ought to disgust you, regardless of whether you are a dog lover. Include me. The Official Dog of TMQ -- a Chesapeake retriever, noble state dog of Maryland -- slumbers happily near my feet as I write this.

But the punishment expected to be imposed on Vick -- one to two years in federal prison, and perhaps never playing in the NFL again -- seems out of proportion to his actions and his status as a first-time offender. The situation is confusing because the federal crimes to which Vick pleaded guilty turn as much on gambling and racketeering as dogfighting; gambling and racketeering concern federal prosecutors because of their relationship to organized crime. Racketeering can lead to jail terms even for nonviolent first-time offenders not involved with drug sales, such as Vick. The NFL, for its part, has very strong reasons to detest gambling, and elaborately warns players they will be harshly penalized for associating with gamblers. Yet I can't help feeling there is overkill in the social, media and legal reactions to Vick, and that the overkill originates in hypocrisy about animals.

Thousands of animals are mistreated or killed in the United States every day without the killers so much as being criticized, let alone imprisoned. Ranchers and farmers kill stock animals or horses that are sick or injured. Some ranchers kill stock animals as gently as possible, others callously; in either case, prosecution is nearly unheard of. As Derek Jackson pointed out last week in the Boston Globe, greyhound tracks routinely race dogs to exhaustion and injury, then kill the losers, or simply eliminate less-strong pups: "184,604 greyhound puppies judged to be inferior for racing" were killed, legally, in the past 20 years.

Hunters shoot animals for sport. They do so lawfully, while the manner in which Vick harmed his dogs was unlawful. But from the perspective of the animal, there seems little difference between a hunter with a state game license zipped in his vest pocket shooting a deer as part of something the hunter views as really fun sport, and Vick shooting a dog as part of something Vick views as really fun sport. In both cases, animals suffer for human entertainment. The animal-ethics distinction between Vick's actions and lawful game hunting are murky at best. A first-time offender should go to prison over a murky distinction?

Much more troubling is that the overwhelming majority of Americans who eat meat and poultry -- I'm enthusiastically among them -- are complicit in the systematic cruel treatment of huge numbers of animals. Snickering about this, or saying you're tired of hearing about it, doesn't make it go away. Most animals used for meat experience miserable lives under cruel conditions, including confinement for extended periods in pits of excrement. (Michael Pollan, who enthusiastically consumes meat and fowl, describes the mistreatment in his important new book The Omnivore's Dilemma.) Meat animals don't magically stop living when it's time to become a product; they suffer as they die. One of Vick's dogs was shot, another electrocuted. Gunshots and electrocution are federally approved methods of livestock slaughter, sanctioned by the Department of Agriculture for the killing of cows and pigs. Regulations under the Humane Slaughter Act of 1958 give federal sanction to shooting cows or pigs, or running electrical current through their bodies. Shooting and electrocution are viewed by federal law as humane ways to kill animals that will be consumed. Federal rules also allow slaughterhouses to hit cows in the head with a fast-moving piston that stuns them into semiconsciousness before they are sliced up. Being hit in the head with a powerful piston -- does that sound a bit painful, a bit cruel? It's done to tens of thousands of steers per year, lawfully.

Don't say "eew, gross" about how meat animals are butchered, then return to denouncing Vick. If you're eating a cheeseburger or BLT or steak or pot roast today, there's a good chance you are dining on an animal that was shot or electrocuted. You are complicit. You freely bought the meat, you did not demand Congress strengthen the Humane Slaughter Act. Livestock can be calmed and drugged before being slain. A few slaughterhouses do this, but most don't because it raises costs, and you, the consumer, demand the lowest possible price for your meal. Now about your turkey sub or coq au vin. Federal slaughter regulations apply mainly to large animals, leaving considerable freedom in the killing of fowl. Many poultry slaughterhouses kill chickens by slashing their throats rather than snapping their necks. Snapping the neck kills the bird quickly, ending suffering, but then the heart dies quickly, too. Slashing the throat causes the bird to live in agony for several minutes, heart still beating and pumping blood out of the slash -- and consumers prefer bloodless chicken meat.

Further, the Humane Slaughter Act exempts kosher and halal slaughter. In both traditions, the cow or lamb must be conscious when killed by having its carotid artery, or esophagus and trachea, slashed. The animal bleeds to death, convulsing in agony, as its heart pumps blood, which is viewed as unclean, out of the slashed openings. The delicious pastrami we consumed at a kosher deli, or the wonderfully good beef we could buy at a halal butcher, comes from an animal that suffered as it died.

Yes, Vick broke the law; yes, he arrogantly lied and refused to apologize when first caught; and yes, his actions before and after the dog killings indicate he is one stupid, stupid man. But Vick's lawbreaking was relatively minor compared to animal mistreatment that happens continuously, within the law, at nearly all levels of the meat production industry, and with which all but vegetarians are complicit. There is some kind of mass neurosis at work in the rush to denounce Vick, wag fingers and say he deserved even worse. Society wants to scapegoat Vick to avoid contemplating its own routine, systematic killing of animals. We couldn't all become vegetarians tomorrow: that is not practical. But American society is not even attempting to make the handling of meat animals less brutal, let alone working to transition away from a food-production order in which huge numbers of animals are systematically mistreated, then killed in ways that inflict terror and pain. We won't lift a finger to change the way animals die for us. But we will demand Michael Vick serve prison time to atone for our sins.

Legal note: Vick might be compelled to repay the Falcons a huge amount of bonus money, and will lose $25 million or more in endorsement income. I have no sympathy for his loss of endorsement income: Vick was hired to bring Nike and other companies he endorsed good publicity, and instead brought them bad. But think about the income loss in the calculation of overpunishment of Vick. One or two years in federal prison, and perhaps state prison time if state charges are filed as well; plus $25 million in lost endorsement income and, oh, $50 million in lost or returned NFL income. That's overkill! Often the indirect financial consequences of legal proceedings are worse than the official ones, in the same way that a speeding ticket might cost you $75 but add $1,000 to your annual insurance bill.

In effect, the federal indictment of Vick is resulting in him being fined around $75 million, which is far too much retribution. The legal hang-up is that since 1984, federal courts have been forbidden to consider monetary loss in private life as counting toward punishment. But a year of banishment from the NFL, a guilty plea with suspended sentence and probation (meaning the sentence is imposed if probation is violated), seems plenty of punishment for a first offense by someone who has not harmed another human being. Prison time and a $75 million fine? What Vick did was indecent, but now excessive punishment is being imposed, and two wrongs do not equal one right. Justice, after all, must be tempered with mercy. That's what you would think if you stood in the dock accused.

Hypocrisy note: Look who's advertising on a Web page extolling the cruel crossbow killing of animals for sport -- the NFL. Oh, that Michael Vick, he's evil, he's bad. But buy NFL Shop items to wear when you shoot deer with arrows so they slowly bleed to death!

Falcons note: I know Atlanta fans are desperate for non-Vick news. OK -- Atlanta had 11 draft choices, so Bobby Petrino practically starts off with a recruiting class.

Wade Wilson Wears Womens...Wonderbras

Days after mentioning portray The Flash in an interview Ryan Reynolds went and mentioned something about another cocky comic hero. This one I may be even more inclined to watch, Flash is fun and all, but all he does is run really around fast and crack one liners. The real entertainment would come from Reynolds playing the one and only Deadpool.

A fellow canuck, he was part of the same Weapon X program that produced Wolverine. Instead of becoming a lame ass X-Man though Deadpool did his own thing and became a badass wise cracking mercenary. With the help of healing abilities similar to Wolverine's, a teleportation device as well as Batman-like physical abilities (Deadpool LOVES guns though) he goes about his business of hitting on the female members of the Xmen and killing motherfuckers that need some killing.

Best Deadpool Moment:

Deadpool: You smug little....wait speaking of video games, you ever play Street Fighter?

Kitty Pride: As if...

*Deadpool gives her a dragon punch*

Deadpool: SHORYUKEN!

JLA Updates

There's been a couple things come up regarding the potential Justice League movie in the works. First being Ryan Reynolds, who had been rumored to be playing The Flash in a standalone movie seems to have been contacted about appearing in a JLA feature. He told MTV in an interview:

"I don’t really know how much I’m allowed to talk about that stuff. But I’m sure they’ll figure out something. It’s no secret that they have a JLA script and it’s a project that’s in development – the contents of which, who knows. We’ll see. I’d love to see a full on Justice League movie done, the scope of which is just enormous. I think it’s something they can pull off.”

So that bit is pretty good news, I've always thought he would be the best to play a Wally West type Flash. So that part has the JLA looking up. But then it all comes crashing down with this bit of news from an interview with IESB on the 3:10 to Yuma press junket:

IESB: Are you doing Justice League after TDK?

Bale: No

IESB: Have you been approached for Justice League?

Bale: No

IESB: How would you feel about the studio recasting Batman for Justice League?

Bale: It’d be better if it doesn’t tread on the toes of what we’re doing, though I feel that it would be better if it comes out after Batman 3.

So it appears that the JLA movie will either not feature Batman, or it will have the Dark Knight portrayed by someone other than Mr. Bale. While this is a significant blow to the credibility of the movie before it even starts. When you take a step back it's not terrible. Bale is recognized for bringing back the Bat-Franchise from oblivion because of his great portrayal of both the Bat and Bruce Wayne, a JLA movie will have nothing to do with Bruce. That means it is possible to find another actor out there capable of donning the cape and cowl without causing too much confusion as he'll wont have a need to perform without it. We shall find out soon enough as they appear to be aiming for a 2009 release on this.

Mulder Is Back In Style

Monday's at 1030 on Showtime, or if like me you can't get Showtime, Tuesdays whenever it shows up on the Internet, David Duchovny is starring in Californication. He is a best selling author with writers block trying to survive having his book turned into a horrid movie (Think Congo bad) Along with his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend or something and his young smarter than she should be daughter. I Just thought inform you about this now rather than halfway through the year like I did with Dexter, another awesome effort from Showtime (Fuck you HBO) and then had to wait for people to catch up to me before I could actually talk about it. Suffice to say, the show its hilarious, and Duchovny is the man.

Darkhorse Football Pick

I'm making the call now, well I actually made it official for other people a couple nights ago, but now it's going on here where it can be preserved for posterity and adjusted accordingly. My darkhorse pick for this NFL season is the Arizona Cardinals. They have everything they need to get it done this year. Matt Leinhart has a year of play under his belt, a year in which he also played pretty damned good for a rookie QB. Two top flight receivers in Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald, everyone should already know to fear the black Irish and this season he's going to remind you why. Plus Edge is back in camp with a vengeance, he's trimmed himself down and got stronger with some serious strength training in the off season. He also got rid of the gold teeth. Edge is all business this year, he even had some talks with Curtis Martin about turning up the tempo in playing as he gets older.

First year head coach Ken Wisenhunt also has had the offensive line slim down by around 40 lbs each to make them more mobile. This is gonna be a quick and exciting team to watch on offense, and they're employing a type of hybrid 4-3 and 3-4 defence which should be pretty entertaining on defence as well. Let's also remember that the Cards have on paper at this point one of the easiest schedules in the league. They still won't compare to the mighty Patriots but I am confident this years version of the Arizona Cardinals will surprise a few people. I'm also a fan of the jerseys, say what you will they have some of the best in the NFL.

Best Casting News EVER!

The Klingon undercover team didn't really figure out a good way to fit in.

It's been going around for a while the Paramount wants at least 2 big ticket actors to appear in the new Star Trek movie that's going to revolutionize the franchise. The first one that was circling around the last few days was Tom Cruise. Sort of out of left field but he was in Mission Impossible III for J.J. Abrams who apparently really likes the guy. So that fits when you add that info, also his role is rumored to just be a cameo as Captain Pike, the captain of the USS Enterprise before James T. Kirk.

This rumor though completely blows that one out of the water. Apparently at the top of their list of actors to play the villain is none other than Maximus "Hando" Braddock himself: Russell Crowe. Crowe is one of the top actors working today pretty much behind only Christian Bale in my mind. And as was previously mentioned they're starring together in the boner inducing western 3:10 to Yuma that is going to pit them against each other. But on topic, my question if this is true (Oh please let it be true!!) what would Crowe be playing. The obvious choice would seem to be a Klingon. Crowe is a large boisterous man who doesn't shy away from physicality and raising his voice a bit which is what the Klingons are all about. Romulan wouldn't really make sense, mostly cause they aren't a big concern for the Federation at that point in time and they're a much more subdued race as it is. He could possibly be a human adversary ala Kahn, an augment left over from the Eugenics Wars or even maybe a new or lesser known species but that seems highly unlikely. It may be a reboot but they can't just restart everything, a familiar enemy would have to be in the movie and no the Gorn would not work. Either way, I hope Crowe find himself getting into a tussle when he's suddenly taken out by a hip check to the knees courtesy of Dr. Ulf "Bones McCoy" Samuelsson.

Leonidas Is Gonna Be Pissed If T-1000 Hurts His Wife

Here comes the show that has the potential to jump right into my top 5 shows on TV now. It's already in the top 10 and I haven't seen a single episode. The premise is just so fantastically awesome. Take the Terminator movies, and fill in the gaps of the period between T2 and the Not-As-Good-As-It-Should-Have-Been T3. Playing Sarah Connor is Lena Headly who's name you might not recognize, but you should remember the last character she played: Queen Gorgo of Sparta. John Connor is played by some TV actor who was on Heroes and 7th Heaven etc, and also did the voice of Littlefoot in The Land Before Time IV through IX. He's not really that important because this isn't the John Connor Chronicles or that JC that destroys the SkyNet, its the young teenage JC who's on the run with his mom and learning the tricks of the trade. Rounding out the main cast is the fantastic Summer Glau who's playing (big shock) a robot sent back from the future to help them along in their struggles. If you don't know who Summer Glau is you suck because that means you never watched Firefly, one of the most underrated shows in TV history that was cancelled tragically early. She played the quiet and sheltered River Tam who near the end of the series started busting heads all over the place. The girl knows how to kick serious ass and she will be a great cyborg. Although she's clearly not a T-101 model, she could be a T-1000 model I suppose, but I guess they'll probably put her somewhere between T-1000 and the T-X from the last movie.

That's the last time someone asks if her sister is Winter.

They do seem to be scrapping some of the continuity from T3, SkyNet has been attacking the entire time and they had more help sent back themselves by big JC. Actually I suppose they might look at it as it just wasn't mentioned in the movie, then it could be theoretically plausible that they were fighting SkyNet the whole time and just didn't make reference, which means should they chose to they can tie the show into T3. Not sure why they would want to especially if the show is as awesome as I'm hoping. Between this, Bionic Woman, Battlestar Galcatica, Smallville, Supernatural, Prison Break and of course 24 there is a wonderfulglut of ass kicking shows this season. So long as the new ones capitalize on their huge potential and the others continue with thiers, I don't really have any worries aboutBauer, Scofield, Adama and Supes though. Ill throw Stargate Atlantis out there too, it's but a shadow of SG1 but it's still pretty good in it's own right.

The T-505* in action.

*I'm getting that shit copyrighted so don't get any ideas.

Nougat. What's the deal?

Nougat is defined as: A confection made from a sugar or honey paste into which nuts are mixed. (thank you Google) Originating from Montélimar in southern France where it's more classily referred to as: Sweetmeat made from a mixture of gelatine or egg albumin with sugar and starch syrup, and the whole thoroughly aerated. But really, what's the deal?

It's got sugar, so if you're diabetic you're out, no nougat for you. If you're on a diet, again you're out because it's not only sugar but it's usually encased in some delicious chocolateness. Then honey, so if you're allergic to bees you can't have it either. I'm not even sure if that's true, actually I'm pretty sure it's not but in the today's world of making up news stories based on loose generalisations and unfounded facts I think I can be forgiven for fudging a few facts. Also the bar contains nuts, so if you're allergic to nuts guess what? No nougat for you. So it seems bars that decide to include this mixture are just trying to weed out the diabetics, dieters, bee and nut allergists (correct usage of the word? I don't know nor do i care). So I would just like to take this opportunity to sarcastically apologize for my not liking nougat. Sorry I'm not an elitist who likes to enjoy things only open to a select few of the population. The rest of you can keep eating your Babe Ruth and Three Musketeers bars cause all you're doing is supporting Hitler, and I for one do not support Hitler. Thank you and Good Day.

The Three Amigas: Ch1 Pt1

It was a dark and stormy night. The rain crashed down hard on the pavement. Water was flowing up out of the gutters from the day long rain that had been punishing the city. A stray cat hid under some boxes discarded in an alley that provided it at least some shelter from the elements. From across the street it watched with the indifference as a young lady hurried through the torrent under her small and seeminly ineffective umbrella. A man in a large dark coat rounded the corner swiftly and purposefully behind her, but was careful not to make any loud steps or brush against the building. He was nearly ten paces behind the young woman. Any noise at this point would most certainly spook her. She stopped at a door under a small awning that also provided almost no relief from the rain. Only a handful of the street lights worked on a good day in this part of town but with the power out because of the storm and the moon shrouded by the clouds it was hard to see much of anything. Keys dangled from her hand as she attempted to find the one that would open the lock on the door. The man slowed his pace as she was unlocking the door. He knew his timing had to be perfect. As she pushed the door open and started to move inside he lunged towards her and then a flash.

Nothingness.

The TV screen was dark now. The only thought that was in Jill's mind as she tossed the remote onto the counter was how much she despised watching Law & Order on a regular day, let alone having to watch it while she was working. Jill worked night's at a downtown office building as a maintenance engineer. This meant on any given night she could be found toiling away in any of the hundreds of offices sweeping up the trash and dirt on the floors, mopping when needed, emptying garbage bins and recyclables, as well as sheepishly walking out of the rooms when she barges in on an upper management figure who had decided to have a late night "meeting" with his secretary. It happens more than you would expect, some people just love their cliches.

The reason Law & Order was on in this particular office, is the same reason it's on in every office in the building. The person that works alongside Jill, let's call him "Steve" (His real name is Stephen) is a big fan of Law & Order. Jill and Steve work as a team. Steve's job is to dust all of the offices, which he does before Jill gets to them, and every time he walks into a room he will turn on the television and put it on a channel showing an episode of Law & Order which as everyone knows is on at least one channel at all hours of the day in some way, shape or form. He even goes so far as to refer to the episodes as "his stories", something that aggravates Jillian well beyond all rational reason. She swore the last time he said it that the next time he uttered those words around her she would make him hurt.

She didn't really mind her job, Steve normally kept ahead of her in cleaning the rooms so that made it a pretty quiet most of the time so that she could go about her business pondering things and wondering what she would do with her life, after she turned each television off of course. It's not that Jill hated the show itself, she just had an intense fear that was a borderline phobia of Sam Waterson's eyebrows. Don't even think about mentioning her watching The O.C., Peter Gallagher would have her cowering in the corner in under 5 seconds. The peacefulness of the building at night was something she had come to look forward to, within reason of course. It was still a job and she wasn't exactly excited to go there, it was just a better environment for her than the few months she worked as a stripper a few blocks over at a classy litte joint called Pete's Parlour. Pete had a more alliterative name in mind but it was rejected by the city for being a tad indecent.

Sweeping was a lot easier on the arms than swinging around on a pole every night she told herself as she set the broom aside for a moment and stretched out the tired muscles in her back. Steve walked in the room at this point, he usually did a few times every night to check up on her progress. He told her it was to check up on her progress at least, she knew it was really just an excuse to be creepy and stare at her chest while making awkward conversation.

"The floor's pretty dirty tonight huh?"

He managed to get the words out without having his voice crack. Steve had an oddly prepubescent voice for a 24 year old.

"It's dirty every night." She replied, not really paying attention.

"Yea well, I guess so huh. Good thing for us huh?" He sort of laughed as he spoke, which made him sound like a cross between a small girl and and a wounded animal of some sort, Jill hadn't been able to decide which up to this point. "Otherwise we wouldn't have a job here." he said after a few seconds of silence.

Steve also had a penchant for speaking the painfully obvious when there was no need. Jill nearly cringed, but that would've made him think she was actually paying attention to him and she couldn't have him thinking that. After a minute of silence as she finished up the room and thought he might actually leave her be he managed to think of another reason to unleash his unnatural voice on the universe.

"I found some wrappers in a couple of the offices down the hall."

He apparently was looking for a response to that so he added after another few agonizingly long seconds, "I picked them up for you though, to save you the trouble."

"Thanks Steve." she replied curtly, biting the bullet and responding hoping he would take it as a cue to move along. He didn't. After another minute she picked up her broom and started heading to the door. "Well I'm moving on to the next one now." she told him.

"Alright" he squeaked out.

It was at this point that he noticed the television in the room was off. "Hey," he said in what some might describe as an incredulous tone, "What happened to my stories?"

The television in this room sat in the corner near the window opposite the door Jill had been about to use to exit the room, because Steve was facing the TV he never saw the broom handle coming until it made contact with the back of his head. All those workouts and long nights swinging on the poles had one good advantage for Jillian, she had a swing on her Mighty Casey would be jealous of, except she wasn't about to strike out. Steve wouldn't wake up for another hour and by that time she was long gone from the building after having finished cleaning the remaining rooms in blissful silence.

The air that night was crisp and cool especially for a summer night, there were clouds in the sky obscuring most of the light from the moon but the street lights provided plenty for Jill as she walked home after work. She made a habit of it, the city was a fairly safe place to start with and most trouble makers were out of energy by the time 4am came around. She had stopped in to check on Steve before she left who was still fast asleep, curled up in a little ball around the leg of the desk. For just a single moment the thought flashed though her head that he was usually pretty well covered in various polishes and sprays while he worked and she couldn't help but wonder the effect the lighter in her pocket would have. She stifled a laugh as she walked down the street at the thought of him waking up and realizing his clothes were ablaze, not exactly the least psychotic thing ever but fairly average for her.

The shoes she wore echoed loudly off the large buildings on either side of her with each step she took, since there were few if any cars on the road she would walk in the middle of the road so long as it wasn't a main street. A few blocks from home she noticed a faint glow coming from the middle of an intersection. Curiously she moved towards it, as she got near the lines of the crosswalk she stopped. The echoing footsteps did not stop with her. She turned quickly to her right and saw a figure coming out of the darkness, eyes transfixed on the same glowing object in the middle of the crossroads. Jill raised her hands to her face in order to stifle a scream, the sight of the person before her was beyond all imagination.

Movies vs Life

Always up for debate, who among our movie heroes is stronger or a better. For example: Who would win in a fight? Maximus from Gladiator or William Wallace from Braveheart. Interesting debates and fun for those involved especially since we all know Maximus would tear ass. But a more interesting question: Who would win: The movie character or the real life man or woman? For our first installment we shall use Sir William Wallace himself. Since Maximus is more of an amalgamation of Roman Generals than an actual historical figure. He'd still tear Wallace a new one though.

William Wallace as played by Mel Gibson

Standing 5' 10" according to IMDB which seems a little generous to me. William's father was killed for opposing the English King and he was taken away by his uncle to be educated in the ways of the world. A commoner he returns to Scotland as a man to court the love of his life, start a family and bomb rocks at Brendan Gleason's face. After his lady is killed by English soldiers who were just trying to get a little action he erupts in a fury and begins offing all the Limey's he can find. Starting with the local magistrate and all his cronys before moving up to the local English Noble and most of his guards. The Scottish nobles for the most part refuse to support him but a few do in hopes that by flexing their muscles the English will grant the money and titles to avoid bothering with actual combat. A correct assumption and a strategy they had been employing for some time. Not this time though, not with Wild Bill Wallace on the scene. He goads the English into a fight and soundly wipes the floor with them. Successive battles go equally bad for the English and Wallace even sacks the English town of York. Wallace himself lead the battles but for all his triumphs he was betrayed by Robert the Bruce, a man he thought he could trust but who was swayed but the lust for power promised him by King Edward the Longshanks. It's a sad day when the Irish are more reliable than one of your best friends. Wallace is then tried executed (after nailing the French English Queen to be and thus impregnating her and insuring the next King of England will be a Franco/Scot hybrid...a chilling thought) drawn and quartered and taken to all corners of Britain. Then of course is the glorious ending where Robert the Bruce and the rest of the Scottish army storm the field at what was supposed to be his coronation ceremony and rout the English army on hand to oversee it.

Sir William Wallace

Born around the year 1270 in Scotland, Sir William Wallace was actually a minor noble as his family was descended from the House of Stuart. He was rumored to be a petty thief who gained favour from a uncle who was a local sheriff. Wallace was having trouble not killing the local English soldiers. Much as the movie depicted he slowly escalated his attacks against the English, more so out of necessity than intent as they were trying to capture a known criminal. After he became a wanted man he hid in the woods of the Highlands and made numerous guerrilla attacks against the English gaining experience in fighting them and knowledge of their tactics. This was not a oft use tactic in these times but Sir William was a master. There is tell of one English strong man who would for a price allow people to strike him over the back with a pole. William not to be outdone offered the man 3 times his usual price and the proceed to hit him with such force it broke his back. The Englishman's comrades moved to assist him and were swiftly brained by Wallace as well.

Scotland was ripe for rebellion as it's sons were being used as fodder in England's current conflict with France. And as Wallace's fight gained momentum in the south of Scotland, another in the north under a Scot name Andrew Murray led an even more successful rebellion. With the majority of country liberated the two rebels or patriots depending on your perspective faced open war conflicted with England. The Battle of Stirling Bridge was a stunning upset for the Scots as the routed the English soldiers and killed a despised English noble who's skin was used to make a kickass belt for Wallace's sword. The battle also so the wounding and subsequent death of Andrew Murray leaving Wallace as commander of the the Scottish army. Local investigator Horatio McCain had alleged that Murray's wounds appeared to come from Scottish and not English weapons but before he could show his evidence he was found dead in his sleep. Apparently he had died after choking to death on a combination of his sunglasses and an overwhelming ego. Wallace continued his tear across the countryside and his power grew with each victory until he was eventually influencing policy for the country including convincing the Pope to name a one of his boys from the neighborhood to high ranking Bishop's post. He eventually took the war to northern England where he is accused of committing most his atrocities. Most likely not a unfounded accusation seeing as in Wallace's eyes his countrymen had experienced nothing different at the hands of the English.

Before all this Edward I had been at odds with the English nobles and on the verge of civil war at their displeasure with his wars in France and Scotland. Had Wallace done nothing England eventually would've been thrown into turmoil and probably not even bothered with the upstart Scots. But this stunning defeat at Stirling and then the following invasion united them behind Edward. Sir William also made the mistake of underestimating the power of the combined forces and at the Battle of Falkirk he suffered a huge defeat with the difference coming from Welsh archers. (Maybe some irony as the name Wallace means Welshman). Commander of the Welsh archers Sir Christano Baleos is purported to have felled nearly 100 Scots himself with his eyes closed and using his wrong hand. After his defeat at Falkirk the other Scottish nobles took control of the army and Wallace turned to travelling statesman attempting to garner support from the rest of Europe. This was successful in gaining some support from the French but they eventually withdrew their support when they needed English help putting down a rebellion of their own. This of course is where the old axiom "Never trust a damn Frenchman" comes from. Sir William was eventually made an outlaw by both the English and the Scots when he continued to oppose English rule and his life was declared forfeit. Wallace's downfall was his blind idealism, he would accept no compromise from the English even though outright victory was essentially impossible. After he was turned over to the English by another Scot not wanting to deal with the raving lunatic, he was tried as a traitor and then hanged drawn and quartered. A martyr was made.

In conclusion, any man who gets pissed off by showboats and breaks their back with a pole and then proceeds to brain their friends with any random weapon at hand is clearly a better man than a foolish little man who gets tricked by a guy with two first names. Clearly you never trust someone with two first names, it's just not right. Though if he actually had been able to shoot fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his arse it'd be a whole new story.

Constantinople's Best

Just to take a break of all the Matt Damon loving and James T Kirk taking Sunday strolls down the dirt road...here's a hot chick for no reason. YaY! Aishwarya Rai is called by many as the most beautiful woman on the planet, I'm hard pressed to disagree though there's always room for debate. It's not really out of nowhere, she is starring in The Last Legion, another re-imagining of the King Arthur mythology this time placing him as the deposed last Emperor of Rome who flees to Britannia from the German hordes. Here he finds Excalibur blah blah blah you know the rest basically. An interesting mythological theory, though it's also stole from Homer and Virgil when in the Iliad Aeneas of Troy takes the Sword of Troy after Paris is killed (or something..did Paris die? he must have..I have to reread that soon) and then in Virgil's Aeneid he flees the city to roam the seas. Travelling through Egypt and Carthage eventually to settle in Italy and his decedents then eventually become Romulus and Remus, birth of Rome etc, etc. All based on a hero with a sword. It's simply a common image used in story telling, hell He-Man has a power sword too. Anyway, its seems like just a big screen version of Hercules with Romans instead of Greeks and Arthur instead of Kevin Sorbo i mean Hercules. This comparison is helped by the fact that the director worked on the aforementioned Hercules TV show as well as Xena (both awesome btw) Either way, Aishwarya is hot as hell, and I'll probably end up watching the movie at some point. I'm just not going to pay $10 to see it, especially since it comes out against the movie of the year: Superbad.

Man Crush of the Week: Matt Damon

Seeing the third of the Bourne movies is now out and kicking ass at theaters near you (I'll be going Wednesday...don't forget Myles you pussy) I thought it a good idea to do a little background on the main man of the Bourne films Matt Damon. Essentially a little DYK about the man. Here's the fun little bits of info via IMDB:

- His middle name is Paige

- Was 12 Credits short of a degree at Harvard when he dropped out to pursue acting.

- Broke up with Minnie Driver on the Oprah show before he actually told Driver it was over. Now that's a real man for you.

- Had a cameo in The Sum of All Fears that was cut. Most likely at the request of Affleck who didn't want to be shown up.

- His uncle George Brunstad held the world record for swimming the English Channel on 29 August 2004 at the age of 70 in 15 hours 59 minutes.

- Was initially supposed to play Daredevil, the role which eventually went to his boy Affleck.

Inspirational Quote:

"What I want to do is a character-driven porn movie. It's all going to be about characters, and the porn's gonna grow all out of the character's and it's going to serve as character development."

Here is the clip of Matt Damon on Jimmy Kimmell:



And here is Jimmy's MUCH better version of The Bourne Ultimatum

Young Hercules Back At Work

I don't know how this slipped past me till this point, and of all places I had to see my first glimpse via Entertainment Tonight, but Ryan Gosling's new movie called Lars and the Real Girl is looking just wonderful. It's currently slated for a limited release October 12/07. The premise is simple if not odd, Lars (Gosling) brings his girlfriend that he met on the Internet to supper with his brother and his wife. She was a missionary at one point, and later when his brother is sick he offers her (her name is Bianca btw) assistance since she trained as a nurse for a while. The catch is, Bianca is a blowup doll that he dresses up and pushes around town in a wheelchair. The rest of the town seems to be weary at first but the comes to humor him in his delusion.

I can't really be sure where the movie is heading or what moral battle it's trying to fight if any, it didn't seem from the trailer that his actions made some other local girl realize she was madly in love with him and then they start their romance etc etc. And I for one hope that's not the case, it's too simple and frankly a cop out to make that the resolution of the movie. If you're going to have a guy pushing around a blow-up doll that he thinks is real, no girl is going to fall in love with this psycho anyway so that's even less likely to happen. I guess we'll have to wait to be sure but I'm definitely looking forward to watching Gosling work his magic again, the man needs more roles, he always hits them straight out of the park and he is most certainly not a one role type of guy he can play anything out there. I'm starting the call now, Gosling for The Flash, if Ryan Reynolds won't do it...The Gos will!

And not that I'm advocating smoking, but in that pic he just makes it look cool as balls.

Cleric John Preston vs Maximus Decimus Meridius

The #2 movie on the radar at this point (after Superbad) coming out in 2007 that is...otherwise The Dark Knight would top the list, is the remake of the classic western 3:10 to Yuma, starring Christian Bale as a rancher charged with holding onto a prisoner, Russel "The Love Muscle" Crowe, as they await the titular train to haul him off to prison. Of course various hijinks's ensue with Ol Russ Bomb's crew show up to try and save him from our Hero. A supporting cast of the always great Ben Foster and the always hot Gretchen Mol with a little side helping of Peter "The Meter" Fonda should ensure awesomeness. Also it's being directed by James Mangold of Walk the Line fame, if you can direct a Johnny Cash movie you obviously can make a kickass western right? Oh well, if not I'm pretty sure you could just turn some cameras on, dress up Bale and Crowe in fancy outfits and tell each of them the other stole his Guinness and from there.....movie magic. Above and below are the posters released so far, I can't decide which I prefer, but I'm leaning to the above.

Check the Trailer here at Yahoo...

p.s. If you understood the reference in the title you get an automatice 15 bonus points, except for Mark and Kirk...they get nothing.

Star Trek Can Be Fun

This is hands down the funniest Star Trek related story I have ever had the pleasure of laying my pretty little eyes on. The highlights for me have to be the inclusion of Ulf Samuelsson as Dr Bones McCoy, and this little diddy about whomever they find to play the role of James Tiberius Kirk:

"I've never desired the touch of a man in my life, but I'd let this singularity of masculinity tear down my dirt road just for the story."

Check it all out here...

p.s. For all the real sci-fi nerds, there's a little shout out to Firefly thrown in.

War Mal!

The Reason MMA Is Going Big Time This Year

Not that it already isn't on a meteoric rise in the sports world, as ESPN, TSN and the various other sports networks start showing more and more highlights it'll will make it's way onto network sports shows, if it hasn't already. UFC 75 Champion vs Champion is being show free on Spike TV and it's pretty much the best idea they could've had. The Ultimate Fighter is already doing great ratings for Spike and that's with no name fighters they want to build up, but with this fight, essentially one of the biggest in the sports history because it's unifying the Light Heavyweight Championship of Pride and UFC so the fans are finally getting an undisputed champion (who will have a long glorious reign of however long it takes for them to let Shogun fight for the belts) Plus they throw in Mike Bisbing, already hugely popular from TUF and from being a totally awesome fighter.

There's also Mirko Cro Cop's comeback fight, a huge fan favorite for both UFC and Pride fans these days. Then of course the main event, Dan "Hollywood" Henderson, hugely popular and both the Pride Middle and Light Heavyweight Champion and the UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Quinton "Rampage" Jackson, one of if not the funniest and most charismatic figures in all of sports. These man have everything that's needed to gain fame to the sport, compelling stories, superb skills, comedic flair and also Championships. There's a reason the Super Bowl is the most popular show on television. Americans as a whole love resolution, just have the match and declare a Champ. Watching a series is too much for them, it's why soccer will never be as big there as it is elsewhere, soccer is all about tournaments and waiting and anticipation. The high speed lives of the Yanks don't leave room. So if they come into this knowing they're watching the best fight the best to declare who is the ultimate best...they wont be able to resist. And the fighters on this card will be enough to draw them in to want to see more.

Rampage, Hendo, Bisbing and Cro Cop can all be counted on to provide highly entertaining fights. They wont have to sit through a 15 minute jujitsu match as their induction to MMA and they'll grow to appreciate it. Not the vast majority of the public by any means, but there is a large percentage of people out there who love combat sports but are on the fence about MMA and wonder about the worth of spending money on PPV's. Comparing it to boxing is senseless and is like saying Basketball won't ever be as popular as football. Who cares? They both have their hardcore fans. They both are able to survive and operate alongside one another. And they both have fans that like both sports or hate the other with a passion. The arguments ever be resolved but they also wont ever stop. Thus is the competitive nature of the human race.

War Fedor!

War Shogun!

Smallville Season 7

A quick update on the goings on of one of the top 5 shows on television today. Kara Zor El will be appearing in the first episode, and have a thing or two to teach her super cousin, namely how to do that wonderful thing known as flying that he just hasn't been able to get a handle on. Lois is back for more kicking ass of and shaking her implants. Bizzaro will be the initial nemesis of the season. Chole is not dead as they made it appear in the season finale last year, obviously, since she's one of the best parts of the show. Oh and this is the second season finale where they made it seem like they've killed Chloe...so don't do it again unless you're actually gonna kill her...but don't kill her either...just stop pretending to kill Chloe.

Lana Luthor (Lang) is up in the air at this point whether or not she'll have survived the latest Luthor car bomb. Lionel will be back for now, Martha Kent is moving to Washington to taken on more responsibilities as Senator so she'll be relegated to background character now. Green Arrow is coming back later in the season, Martin Manhunter will be around doing his thing as well as various old and new members of the Justice League. If they're saying new members there are only a few options.

The main players of the Justice League are of course :

The Flash - already in series

Martian Manhunter - already in series

Green Lantern - Not yet mentioned, doesn't really make much sense as they already have Green Arrow and with all this Green imagery being thrown around and with the Kryptonite always glowing green it's way too much for the casual CW viewer to comprehend.

Wonder Woman - Plausible but a bit of a stretch, the Princess of the Amazons doesn't really seem like the kind of girl who's gonna randomly show up in Kansas just at some rumors of a superpowered human or kryptonian..whatever, and they're already adding Kara as big superpowered female character, it wouldn't make sense to try and make a big deal about Wonder Woman when there's the other new girl who makes WW seem like small beans in the power department.

Hawkman/Hawkgirl - Not that I don't love the Thanagarians...but...too much explanation would be needed...especially for Hawkman so I don't see that happening.

Green Arrow - already in series and pretty much the biggest of the minor League members

Various Background Filler Heroes: The Atom..meh, Black Canary..kinda lame, Captain Marvel...wont happen, Plastic Man...unlikely since random Krypto Freaks have already essentially had his power...and it sucks anyway.

That leaves but one glorious option. The be all end all of Superheros, the Man, the Legend:

Batman! That's right ladies and gentleman, Bruce Wayne himself. It makes the most sense, #1 he's totally awesome, #2 Bruce Wayne has business dealings with Lex Luthor so it's easy to work him into a story, and #3 he's fucking Batman! Be serious, everyone wants it to happen so just do it already.

Oilers Turning It Around....slowly

Feeling pretty good these days. Preseason football is starting, which I'll get to shortly, and hockey is also not too far off. After my earlier rant about how the Oilers are doing dick all I'd like to thank Kevin Lowe, who clearly reads the site and is a big fan (stop sending me pictures of yourself in suggestive poses, its not gonna happen dude) Finally some moves toward the future have been made. Signing Dustin Penner showed that he'll at least do whatever it takes to get players, though it might have been a little much to pay if he keeps progressing the way he has been he'll be worth it.

Souray was needed, though I'm still pretty sure he'd be better of with the Pens, the Oil need the veterans on D to show their young talent how its done. And also since they got rid of those draft picks in the Penner deal it's a good thing they had so many this year cause they're not gonna have much new young talent for a little while. I also love the pick up of Mathieu Garon, mostly cause he'll sit on the bench most of the year and let Roloson do his thang and I liked him when he was with the Kings and think he's got more potential than he's given credit for. I'm not saying his a solid #1 right now, but he can definitely be a pretty good #2. And hey, who doesn't like Geoff Sanderson.

GAHH!!!

Fucking fuck the Oilers go and sign Sheldon Souray...of all goddamn days to make a move..I can't even be happy about this right now...fantastic...fuck you Kevin Lowe..ya bastard

The Penguins locked up Sidney Crosby with a 5 year $45Million contract extension that keeps him in a Penguins uniform through the 2013 season and whats sure to be a minimum of 2 Stanley Cups. With the genius moves in Pittsburgh lately I may have to swing even more support of my precious Oilers away and throw it behind the Baby Pens. Not a hard decision to make when the Oilers would apparently have trouble signing me to a contract let alone players that are going to make a difference. Nice try on the Thomas Vanek thing though Kevin Lowe, at least it shows you have the balls to try something big, but I'm not certain he'd be worth 4 first round picks. Meanwhile the Pens seem to be hogging all the superstars of the next decade. Crosby, Staal, Malkin, Armstrong, Malone and plus absolutly stealing Angelo Esposito at the draft. It's actually embarrassing, and plus they had the smarts to get crazy old men like Mark Rechi and Gary Roberts to teach the young lads how the game is supposed to be played.

On the back end of things Marc Andre Fluery has the potential to be a top 10 goalie in the league, his teeth alone can stop 10 pucks a game just with the glare of the stadium lights in them. Now Sergei Gonchar has Daryl Sydor to play with him on D he'll have a little more freedom as he won't be the only player with significant experience back there. Don't get me wrong, everyone loves Bobby Scuderi, but mostly cause his name is fun to say, not for his PP QB skills. All in all, if Fluery gets his act together, and everyone else plays the way they've already shown they can the other teams in the league will be hard pressed to stop the Pens this coming season. Or they can just get rid of Gonchar and sign Sheldon Souray (I'm pretty sure they'd need to for the cap room) and then just start engraving their names on the Cup.

As for the Oilers, well, they have some solid young talent and a few decent looking draft picks, but they're a couple years and 2 or 3 major signings away from being the team they were just 2 short years ago. Of course I still blame this all on Chris Pronger and wish the plague on all the pets he may own present and future.

P.S. I'm still not changing my annual darkhorse team from the L.A. Kings, they can build a pretty solid team around Anze Kopitar and I'm positive they will...soon. Probably sooner than the Oilers get someone significant unfortunately.